After nearly a year I have returned to the infamous Baghdad ER, now the US Army 86th Combat Support Hospital. Still the busiest combat hospital in Iraq, and most likely the world, it is home to some of the militaries best doctors and medics as well as a constant stream of some of the most horrific battle casualties imaginable.
Working in Baghdad ER requires a constant presence by a military public affairs officer and this year my guide is Captain McKinnie. One of those people who you instantly like, McKinnie was kind and humorous, addicted to JellyBelly "butter popcorn" flavored jelly beans. Stopping every couple of minutes to pull a couple out of her pocket, at one point McKinnie picked a dropped jelly bean off of the ER floor, shouting out "THREE SECOND RULE, THREE SECOND RULE!!!!!!" then popped it into her mouth and swallowed. It takes a lot to shock me, so she deserves some sort of medal. Unfortunately, the rest of the day was not so amusing and pleasant.
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A flurry of commotion coming from the trauma ward means that something is going on. We rush in to find a ten-year-old Iraqi boy on a stretcher with his organs hanging out of his stomach, which is severed from his mid chest down to his pelvis. He has no pulse and a doctor is administering frenzied yet deliberate chest compressions while five or more other doctors and medics perform different duties.
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After several minutes they are able to stabilize the boy enough to transfer him upstairs to surgery. We follow along and spend the next hour in the surgery ward as surgeons remove the boy’s organs, setting them aside as they dig large chunks of shrapnel out of the boy’s body. For the time being they must ignore that fact that one of his hands is also missing and focus on the more pressing injuries.
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Finally he is stabilized and shrapnel is, for the most part, removed. We find out from the boys uncle, who is obviously quite close to him and visibly distraught, that he had been out playing on the street when he stumbled on a land mine or improvised explosive device (IED.)
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The doctor’s efforts were noble and both Captain McKinnie and myself were impressed that they were able to save the boy. We take a deep breath and head out to get lunch.
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After lunch we return to the ER to find the young boys uncle hanging out of a window screaming, crying and rocking back and forth. The nurse looks at us and shakes her head…they boy died shortly after the first surgery and they were not able to bring him back. As everyone stood back watching the man sobbing I decided that at the moment it was more important to be human than a photographer and went and held the man as he cried. I sat next to him with my arm around his shoulder as spoke in Arabic, rocked back and forth and hit himself in the face. I could feel the boys dried blood on his shirt…the reality of being back in Iraq sets in quickly.
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“Yes, yes, you’re right. It’s awful!” he answered. “I’ve thought about it already and grieved over it. But what can we do? You’re right; if only her parents will forgive us! And how I love them — if you only knew! They’ve been like a father and mother to me, and this is how I repay them! Ach, these quarrels, these lawsuits! You can’t imagine how unpleasant all that is now. And what are they quarrelling about! We all love one another so, and yet we’re quarrelling. If only they’d be reconciled and make an end of it! That’s what I’d do in their place. . . . I feel frightened at what you say. Natasha, it’s awful what we’re doing, you and I! I said that before. . . . You insisted on it yourself. . . . But, listen, Ivan Petrovitch, perhaps it will an be for the best, don’t you think? They’ll be reconciled, you know, in the end. We shall reconcile them. That is so, there’s no doubt of it. They can’t hold out against our love. . . . Let them curse us; we shall love them all the same, and they can’t hold out. You don’t know what a kind heart my father has sometimes. He only looks ferocious, but at other times he’s most reasonable. If you only knew how gently he talked to me today, persuading me! And I’m going against him today, and that makes me very sad. It’s all these stupid prejudices! It’s simple madness! Why, if he were to take a good look at her, and were to spend only half an hour with her, he would sanction everything at once.”
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She was pale as death. All the while Alyosha rambled on she was looking intently at him, but her eyes grew dimmer and more fixed, and her face turned whiter and whiter. I fancied at last that she had sunk into a stupor and did not hear him. Alyosha’s exclamation seemed to rouse her. She came to herself, looked round her, and suddenly rushed to me. Quickly, as though in haste and anxious to hide it from Alyosha, she took a letter out of her pocket and gave it to me. It was a letter to her father and mother, and had been written overnight. As she gave it me she looked intently at me as though she could not take her eyes off me. There was a look of despair in them; I shall never forget that terrible look. I was overcome by horror, too. I saw that only now she realized all the awfulness of what she was doing. She struggled to say something, began to speak, and suddenly fell fainting. I was just in time to catch her. Alyosha turned pale with alarm; he rubbed her temples, kissed her hands and her lips. In two minutes she came to herself. The cab in which Alyosha had come was standing not far off; he called it. When she was in the cab Natasha clutched my hand frantically, and a hot tear scalded my fingers. The cab started. I stood a long while watching it. All my happiness was ruined from that moment, and my life was broken in half. I felt that poignantly. . . . I walked slowly back to my old friends. I did not know what to say to them, how I should go in to them. My thoughts were numb; my legs were giving way beneath me.
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“I’ve fancied a thousand times with delight,” he went on babbling, “how he will love her as soon as he gets to know her, and how she’ll astonish everyone. Why, they’ve never seen a girl like her! My father is convinced that she is simply a schemer. It’s my duty to vindicate her honour, and I shall do it. Ah, Natasha, everyone loves you, everyone. Nobody could help loving you,” he added rapturously. “Though I’m not nearly good enough for you, still you must love me, Natasha, and I . . . you know me! And do we need much to make us happy! No, I believe, I do believe that this evening is bound to bring us all happiness, peace and harmony I Blessed be this evening! Isn’t it so, Natasha? But what’s the matter? But, my goodness, what’s the matter?”
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“He must,” he replied. “What else is there left for him to do? Of course he may curse me at first; in fact, I’m sure he will. He’s like that; and so strict with me. He may even take some proceedings against me; have recourse to his parental authority, in fact. . . . But that’s not serious, you know. He loves me beyond anything. He’ll be angry and then forgive us. Then everyone will be reconciled, and we shall all be happy. Her father, too.”
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